100-word challenge …So that is why I’m always last…

“Titan, wake up!” screamed Mrs Sky. Titan rolled over then Splash! he got the cold bucket of water to the face. “Ahhh what was that for mum” spluttered Titan, then he got a pair of undies in the face. “Wake up you’re going to miss the bus”. “Rrrrrrrr” went the bus as it passed their house. “Well, you’d better start walking” said Mrs Sky. Titan could finally see his school. It was 10:45.  Titan saw his teacher waiting at the front of the school. Titan started telling the story of an alarm not working.  Finally, he finished, “so that is why I’m always last to class.”

7 Responses

  1. Rhys at |

    Great story very unique and you had great punctuation

    Reply
  2. antsclass at |

    Wow-I hope this is not a reflection of mornings at your place! Lucky you live a lot closer to school hey!
    I love this piece. It is so well structured, with a sizzling start that sets the scene for the problem, and ends with Titan trying to weasel his way out of trouble. I love the way you have chosen specific details like the undies and water to the face, and choose specific word choice such as ‘spluttered’ and the onomatopoeia of the bus- Rrrrrr!
    grrrrrreat work,
    Ant

    Reply
  3. phoebe2014 at |

    Hi Ethan
    I really like how this is structured. You can tell so many things but you didn’t what they are-which is show not tell- like you could tell that the relationship between Titan and Mrs. Sky, Mrs. Sky is Titan’s mum and that he must live pretty far away from school! I also like how you included a bit of humour.
    Phoebe

    Reply
  4. indigo2014 at |

    It was really good plot. I like the extra details like the bucket of water in the face and then the undies. I really hope this isn’t your usual morning. I like how you used sound effects. Great job!

    Indigo

    Reply
  5. hamisht2016 at |

    hey ethan, i like how you told it from third-person view.
    from hamish

    Reply
  6. Abby at |

    hey Ethan,
    I really liked your piece I think it was very enjoyable. I liked how you thought outside the box . and how you added his name was great . a tip I have is to maybe say the teachers name. other then that great job .
    check out my story i think you will like it .

    https://kidblog.org/class/mrs-rays-1617-rockstars/posts/72uue1hgwewglszt6repj7twb

    Reply
  7. Drew at |

    Great story Ethan, I loved your onomatopoeia. Its good you did not use boring words:Said, went.

    Reply

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